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And now in a desperate attempt
to fill 24 hours of programming, |
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here's some bullshit
that happened somewhere today. |
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We've got some footage here
of the bullshit |
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which began just after 3 o'clock
this afternoon |
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when residents in this neighborhood
were shocked to see |
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this fairly common thing happening.
|
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An attractive witness described
the event in breathless terms. |
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I went to my window and I was like wo,
there's some bullshit happening. |
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00:00:30 |
It happened right over there.
I'm an older man, |
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so you can trust
what I say. |
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Authorities in special uniforms
rushed to the scene |
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00:00:36 |
to stand around
while our cameras filmed them. |
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00:00:40 |
Our reporter Keith Collins joins us now
live from the scene of the bullshit |
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00:00:41 |
through the use
of expensive technology. |
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00:00:44 |
Good to be with you again Keith,
we have a colorful graphic here |
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that shows instances of bullshit
like this are on the rise, |
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00:00:50 |
is that right?
-Yes, although why is unclear. |
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Some say it's because
of one fucking reason, |
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others say it's because
of some other fucking reason. |
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00:00:57 |
I talked to this random expert
on this subject |
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who told me this thing
you're about to hear him say, |
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right after he points
at a piece of paper. |
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00:01:04 |
I spent my entire life attending
the nation's most prestigious schools |
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00:01:08 |
to talk about bullshit like this.
I'm really just happy to be on TV. |
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00:01:10 |
Now let's see if we can drag this out
a little longer by showing emails |
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00:01:13 |
written by some of our viewers.
I once saw some stuff |
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00:01:16 |
kind of like the shit
you're talking about happen, |
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I have nothing more to add.
Another person says |
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I am angry
that things like this happen. |
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I get mad about
every bullshit thing I see. |
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So obviously a lot of opinions there
to make this story |
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seem somewhat meaningful.
-Oh absolutely Glen, |
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this bullshit has some
broader implications. |
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Here's a list of tips on how
to avoid bullshit happening to you. |
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00:01:38 |
And here's some footage of congress.
-Yes I see that. |
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Well thank you Keith, let us know
if there are any updates |
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on this bullshit story from there.
-There's no way there will be. |
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Very good, we'll check back with you
in an hour anyway. |
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I'm just some fucking guy.
-When we return |
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we'll look at live footage
of a car chase taken from a helicopter |
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and free-associate
about what's going on. |
