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Onion News Network
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Today Now!
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Everyone is talking about
the incredible story of Molly, |
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the ten year old girl who was raised
by Wolf Blitzer. |
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That's right, taken in as an infant,
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Molly then spent her whole life,
copying his language and behavior, |
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becoming a kind of half human,
half Wolf Blitzer in the process. |
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Now, three months ago,
Molly was taken into protective custody, |
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and today she's here to share her story.
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Yes she is.
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Molly joins us in the studio this morning,
alongside Dr. Kenneth Ives, |
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a developmental psychologist,
who is devoting himself to her case. |
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Good morning to you both.
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Thank you, Jim Haggerty, Tracy Gill,
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I really appreciate the chance to talk
about my rather unique upbringing. |
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Now Molly, you've been through so much,
are you doing ok? |
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Well, no question Jim, it certainly is going
to be difficult for me to reenter society, |
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so I am really looking forward to getting
your perspective on the matter. |
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Tracy Gill, co-host of Today Now,
what's your take? |
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Well I have to admit,
it's a little hard to understand her. |
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Yes, the only way she knows
how to communicate |
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is through Wolf Blitzer's
colorless monotone. |
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To me, always listing synonyms
to words at the end of my sentences, |
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was just typical, normal,
par for the course. |
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We are currently trying to teach her
more human like speech patterns. |
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Well, it sounds like he really cared for you.
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Well, Jim, I think it's open to debate
if Wolf Blitzer |
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has the ability to care for others, per say,
Dr. Ives might have some thoughts on that. |
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But he certainly protected me.
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From what Molly's told us,
it appears Wolf Blitzer raised her |
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as if she were no different then him.
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We know he fed her lattes and altoids,
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taught her how to clean herself
with a lint roller. |
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Amazing, you must be learning so much about
the life of this extremely reticid anchor. |
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We're joined now by our chief international
correspondent, Christiana Amanpour... |
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standing by live in Toronto.
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No Molly, I think I've overwhelmed her. She
likes to be the one asking the questions. |
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Christiana, what's it like
on the ground there? |
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When Molly feels upset she talks
to her imaginary friend, via satellite. |
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Ok, stay safe down there, Christiana.
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-It's sort of a coping mechanism.
-Ok. |
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Well it's just been so great to talk
with you both this morning. |
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Jim Haggerty, Tracy Gill, we hope
to hear from them again very soon. |
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-No, no molly, I'm sorry.
-I guess we're done here. |
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-Another breach in airport security.
-Molly, Molly, look at me! |
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Are our skies safe,
the eye opening results of a new study. |
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-Molly, Molly, stop it Molly!
-Congressional republicans preparing for |
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-a fight on capitol hill.
-Molly remember,you are here, you are Molly. |
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-But are they going too far.
-You are Molly. |
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-we'll hear from both sides
-You are Molly, that's good. |
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Thank you so much, Dr. Ives and Molly.
Make sure you look for Dr. Ive's |
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fascinating new book about Molly,
it's called "Among the Wolf", |
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and it's in bookstores right now.
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Alot of networks report the news
as it happens, |
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but only one has the power to report
the news before it happens. |
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Through our state of the art
worm hole satellite, |
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the Onion News Network future channel
brings you exclusive news transmitions |
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from the year 2137.
|
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Because to stay ahead in today's world,
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you need to know what's going
to happen in tomorrow's. |
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Still ahead this hour...
|
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00:03:01 |
The tallest man we could find.
|
