Insecure Miami Heat Can't Figure Out Who Garnett Called a "Sloppy-Chested Shit"
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In Doc and Kenny's return to GOOMF, Kevin Garnett has thrown the Heat into identity crisis, a trailblazing jockey rides directly on his horse's head, and the Braves are in the market for a 2010 Jason  (More)
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00:00:10 00:00:13 Tennis balls are yellow. Green, they've always been green
00:00:14 00:00:17 They have a little green in them but the yellowness of a tennis ball is an
00:00:18 00:00:19 undeniable truth.
00:00:19 00:00:22 Once you add any green to yellow that color is now green.
00:00:22 00:00:26 I hate your philosophy of colors as much as I hate that face you mask your skull
00:00:26 00:00:30 with so get us both out of here, it's time for The Face Off.
00:00:30 00:00:34 The Miami Heat have plunged into collective disarray trying to figure out
00:00:34 00:00:39 which of them Celtics enter Kevin Garnett called "a sloppy-chested shit"
00:00:39 00:00:42 in Tuesday's game. Miami Heat is a talented squad --
00:00:42 00:00:46 sloppy-chested confusion. One minute LeBron James is pointing at
00:00:46 00:00:52 himself and the next Dwayne Wade is asking Coach Spoelstra if he thinks his chest
00:00:52 00:00:56 looks sloppy. Either LeBron or Wade need to just step up
00:00:56 00:01:02 and claim ownership of a sloppy chest. A championship team knows who they are
00:01:02 00:01:05 and knows which Garnett screamed insult fits each of them best.
00:01:05 00:01:09 They need Bosch back to full health. When's he's in action all insults are
00:01:09 00:01:13 directed at him as they should be and the rest of the team can do their jobs.
00:01:13 00:01:18 Moving on from -- the Belmont States are upon us and everybody's talking about
00:01:18 00:01:24 a trailblazing young jockey named Junior Alvarado who sits directly on his horse's
00:01:24 00:01:27 head when he races. This jockey fills my blood with bile.
00:01:28 00:01:30 Horse's backs are shaped like seats for a reason.
00:01:30 00:01:35 It's 2012, Doc, you can't sit on a horse the same way forever.
00:01:35 00:01:36 This kid is a visionary.
00:01:37 00:01:40 His whole career he's been inching farther and farther up the horse's neck until
00:01:40 00:01:45 Bayshore when he finally straddled the front of his horse's head and steered it
00:01:45 00:01:46 by the ears.
00:01:46 00:01:49 His -- will be his own jockey downfall.
00:01:49 00:01:50 All right, let's get back to human sport.
00:01:50 00:01:55 The Braves are shopping Jason Heyward and a few draft picks for someone like a 2010
00:01:55 00:01:56 Jason Heyward.
00:01:56 00:01:58 This is classic early season panicking.
00:01:58 00:02:02 Hold on to your cards, stick with Jason Heyward, and see what develops.
00:02:02 00:02:07 Jason Heyward is never going to be a 2010, Jason Heyward - it just isn't in his DNA.
00:02:07 00:02:11 They're crazy if they think they'll get a 2010 Jason Heyward with what they're offering.
00:02:12 00:02:16 The best they can hope for is someone is like a September 2010 Jason Heyward who
00:02:16 00:02:20 still shows flashes of brilliance but gets worse with every pitch he sees.
00:02:20 00:02:25 What the Braves don't want is a 1990 Jason Heyward because that would just be
00:02:25 00:02:27 a small time. All right, that's it for The Face Off.
00:02:27 00:02:32 Now get out of my face and listen to my idiot partner try to sell you a terrible book.
00:02:32 00:02:36 It's a wonderful book and it's called Within The Face and it lets you know all
00:02:36 00:02:40 about the top stories talked within the folds of my front lawn and it's a -
00:02:41 00:02:44 Okay, that's your five seconds, Doc. We were supposed to write that book
00:02:44 00:02:48 together and now I end up without a single mention in 400 pages?
00:02:48 00:02:51 I can't include very single person I ever meet, Kenny.
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