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Onion News Network
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Building on the success of
their Genius bars today, |
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Apple stores across the country,
unveiled the Friend bar, |
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where obsessive apple users can come
to discuss Mac products at length. |
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Onion News Network tech trends reporter
Jeff Tate, has more. |
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Thanks Andrea, Apple users looking
for someone to talk at, |
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about the newest twitter iPhone app,
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or why Safari's an infinitely
better browser than Firefox, |
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can now simply make an appointment,
at Apple's new 'Friend Bar'. |
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Free to anyone with an Apple care warranty,
the Friend Bar is staffed |
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by Apple employees specially trained
to carry out lengthy conversations, |
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about even the most arcane
apple related topics. |
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Unlike your girlfriend or your coworkers,
we're not going to get tired |
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of discussing the wireless networking
capabilities of the operating system. |
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We're here and we're ready to listen.
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The friend bar is already a success
with some Apple fans scheduling |
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appointments up to four hours at length.
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It drives me so nuts that Firefox is
disabling the plug-in for the main RC3. |
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Genius bars across the country
are reporting shorter wait times |
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as customers who just want to impress Apple
employees with their ironic desktop image, |
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or their impeccably organized iTunes library,
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are redirected to the Friend Bar,
and the discussions don't have to be limited |
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to Apple products.
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Friend Bar employees are trained
to discuss a range of topics, |
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Apple customers are interested in,
from finding a good Neapolitan pizza, |
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to talking to girls you aren't already
in an improv. group with. |
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I think what our customers appreciate
is the fact that |
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they've got a multinational consumer
corporation that they can relate to. |
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The Friend Bar, is not the only
good news for Apple fans. |
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The 24 hour friend line connects
users to call centers overseas, |
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where they can talk about Apple,
even after store hours. |
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That's just using GarageBand, and I like to
use iMovie if I'm just making a slideshow |
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or something, but...
-Oh yes! |
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I'll use Final Cut Express for
anything that's more elaborate. |
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Of course, sir!
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... like just yesterday I uploaded some flip
footage of these kids skateboarding, and... |
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That is very interesting!
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The company also announced that next year
it will roll out the iStore, |
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A miniature version of an Apple store which
customers can set up in their own homes. |
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It's going to be about six thousand dollars
for the hardware, |
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and then there's a month of salary
for your personal Apple employee. |
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Then of course, anything you buy
from the store. |
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For Tech trends, I'm Jeff Tate.
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Thank you Jeff.
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Moving on, in a diplomatic
show of good will, |
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China will be sending two Tibetan monks
to the national zoo in Washington. |
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A lot of networks report the news
as it happens. |
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But only one has the power to report
the news before it happens. |
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Through our state of the art
worm hole satellite, |
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00:02:31 |
The Onion News Network future channel,
brings you exclusive news transmitions, |
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00:02:33 |
from the year 2137.
|
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00:02:35 |
Because to stay ahead in today's world,
|
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00:02:40 |
you need to know what's going
to happen in tomorrows. |
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00:02:49 |
Still ahead this hour...
|
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00:02:52 |
Red Lobster opens factory outlet.
|
